i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize