He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm both gender and math confused
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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