dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
