I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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