Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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