They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
