No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
