So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
