We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize