their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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