I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Everything about him screamed your future.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All I want is dick and wine.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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