I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
your like the ambassador to my penis.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
