i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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