Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
