Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
