not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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