There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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