think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
