I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
