she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
