These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize