dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
