The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't think brook has ever known best
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
