I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
