No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
