There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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