how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
