So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
