So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
