My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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