your parents love me but you hate me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
