Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
