he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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