i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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