He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
