im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I looked at my own cervix.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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