It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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