Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
