What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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