Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
