How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize