I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
