Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
