The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
