Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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