there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
