I skipped work to stalk him.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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