yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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