he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
