I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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