i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
