she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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