the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
