The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
