just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize