Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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