So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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