I heard we made out
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
