I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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