he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
