its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
