she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
