I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
