Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
God, I missed his penis.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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