yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize