I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
