When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
