wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
