I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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