a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
