I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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