new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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