I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
