I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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